Meat

Würstchengulasch

by Oliver on 02/03/2013

When introducing the Frankfurter Crown Roast I mentioned that there is a distinctively German way to mistreat sausages. It is called Würstchengulasch (sausage stew). And I don’t mean an atrocity of the distant past here, we’re talking German home cooking 2013 style.

When making proper goulash (or pörkölt to be more ecxact), you automatically get a delicious sauce from paprika, meat juices and onions. But his takes time.

Wieners have the incredible advantge that they are already cooked. They just don’t make a good sauce when cooked. In fact they don’t make any. So the talented food chemists at Knorr (and of course also Maggi) whipped up a “Fix”.

Chop the sausages, add water and a bag of Fix, cook for five minutes, and a you can enjoy your bowl of horse puke.

Steak With Jello

by Oliver on 17/02/2013

The common jello salad is a dish on its own, its visual appearance makes it the star of the dinner table. But how about serving jello as a side?

This colourful mix of orange jello and congealed creamed applesauce is just perfect to go with your steak dinner. And why not put in on top to melt like herb butter?

The Frankfurter Crown Roast

by Oliver on 13/02/2013

A proper crown roast is an impressive – some might say barbaric with all those bones sticking out – sight on a table. It is a show-off piece that demonstrates that you want to serve high class food to your guests – provided you are able to cook it properly.

Here we have a particularly cheesy version with kumquat-decorated bones surrounded by tomatoes stuffed with something.

But of course there is also the poor-man’s version of the crown, made with weenies.

The Weight Watchers’ interpretation of this classic is served with cabbage – presumably to keep it in ‘authentic’ German style. Well, I am glad to confirm that this way of serving sausages is hugely unpopular in Germany. We have our own way of serving wieners atrociously. Stay tuned.

If you stick the franks into a casserole, you can also fill the ‘crown’ with vomit…

…or cheese melt vomit.

And when things really get tough, you can always resort to the lettuce stuffing:

Most pictures courtesy of Bad and Ugly of Retro Food

Green Beans “Pizzarino”

by Oliver on 07/02/2013

Here is another feast for your eyes, proudly presented by Del Monte:

They call it a Glorified Meat Loaf. I call it an atrocity. Glorification for the ring of meat is obviously provided by cheese, catsup and salami that are draped over it in an almost obscene sloppiness. The green bean volcano crater lake doesn’t make this look one bit better.