Retro

Stouffer’s Stuffings

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Yes. Words fail.

Mayonnaise Bouquet Salads

Don’t they just look lovely?

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Only on closer look the artrocity becomes obvious here. Mayonnaise on a fruit salad sure adds another dimension. Does anyone actually eat that?

Mrs. Pat Boone And Her Electric Wok

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Beef Oriental – What an inventive name. Attributing this dish to a specific cuisine would require is to solve the riddle where the hell in the East spiral pasta is a major source of carbohydrates. What else is in there? Tomatoes, beans, green celery, chamipgnon mushrooms and a pound of hamburger. This definitely points to Little Italy as easternmost possible provenance region.

Monterey Soufflé

Anyone who knows at least a little about cooking and baking will know that a soufflé is an egg-based dish that increases in size considerably when baked in an oven. But ‘soufflé’ has also become a euphemisim for a jello salad, probably because of the shape which is pretty different from a baked soufflé anyway.

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This concoction features tuna in gelified mayonnaise – a particularly gruesome atrocity. If you are courageous enough to read the recipe, you will learn that the mayo is generously delayed with water, for that extra minus of taste.

Optical presentation is lovingly executed with cute pimiento strips snuggling around the voluptious curves of the blob, the green salad leaves creating an intriguing contrast. The mandatory stuffed olive sitting on top of the central barf adds another dash of colour.

Spam’n Limas

This ad features an ever-popular atrocious ingredient: SPAM!

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Strikingly enhanced by the opponently coloured monster beans this shocking arrangement can serve as an efficient test of our gag reflex.

Barfy Cottage Cheese Omelet

Not one but two drunks have relieved themselves here over this puffy omelet after what must have been a hell of a party.

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The Jello Salad

To begin the parade of culinary atrocities there can only be one dish: The jello salad. Born in the mid 20th century in the United States, it was particularly popular in the South. And there are rumours that such things are still made in a number of households.

000pdh72Crisp raw vegetables in gooey gelatin – what a delight. This one even has crunchy walnuts in it. It looks too good to eat, so better don’t do it. But you ain’t seen nothing yet…